I wish I could write down everything I feel in a comprehensible way.
I want you to understand what hurts and what helps. What makes me laugh,
And what leaves me a broken ball on the floor.
But I can’t.
There’s nothing I can say that I haven’t already said.
There’s nothing I can do to make you feel what I feel.
The heart I own is blocked from access
The brain I know is a scattered mess.
The body I have is broken and bruised
The soul that I am is tired and used.
I’m a human being made of nothing but matter
An empty shell getting ready to shatter.
My wheels have stopped turning.
My words have run dry.
I find I have tears I can no longer cry.
My eyes have been closed.
My mouth has been shut.
Life has no edits, nothing is cut.
My heart has stopped beating,
I find I am numb,
Poisoned by my psyche’s invisible venom.
I wish I could pinpoint the second I knew,
It had always been you.
I’m aching for you.
All of you.
I want your heart.
I want your soul.
I want your mind.
I want your body.
I want your love.
I’m aching for you.
All of you.
This tiny life I hold.
These little hands,
These little feet,
This little face with sleepy eyes.
This innocent being,
Who has yet to live
You are loved for now and always,
Welcome to the world.
A roses thorns are there for protection.
An elephant’s tusks are there as a defense.
A tiger’s stripes are a warning.
But the rose is still picked.
The tusk is still stolen.
The stripes make a lovely carpet.
So why do we expect our defenses to work any better?
I’m sorry for who I am
I’m sorry for getting jealous.
I’m sorry for my mood swings
I’m sorry for being annoying
I’m sorry for not understanding myself
I’m sorry for hurting everyone
I’m sorry for not being perfect
I’m sorry for hurting myself
I’m sorry for giving up on my life
I’m sorry for ever not being there
I’m sorry for who I am
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry you couldn’t see that I was good enough.
Dear Body,
I’m sorry for hurting you
I’m sorry for cutting
I’m sorry for not feeding you
I’m sorry for not sleeping
I’m sorry for going until you broke
Thank you for staying strong
Thank you for healing
Thank you for the home I am
Thank you.
Dear Mind,
I’m sorry for the bad thoughts
I’m sorry for the hatred
I’m sorry for the pressure
I’m sorry for the pain
I’m sorry for the expectations
Thank you for the good thoughts,
Thank you for the love
Thank you for healing
Thank you for the knowledge
Thank you for knowing it’s all okay
Thank you.
Dear Heart,
I’m sorry for the shattered glass
I’m sorry for breaking you
I’m sorry for the hurt
I’m sorry for the aching
I’m sorry for the disappointment
I’m sorry for the loss
Thank you for accepting all the pieces
Thank you for understanding
Thank you for the love
Thank you for the healing
Thank you for all the gain
Thank you.
©2018
