Anxiety is like having your sense locked away behind soundproof glass.
You can see it-you know it’s there.
But that doesn’t make a difference.
They called my skin porcelain -like a china doll.
But they didn’t see all that I saw.
They didn’t see the blue veins pumping under my skin.
They didn’t see the hurt I was hiding within.
A china doll’s gorgeous.
Perfect and pristine.
But further down there are secrets to glean.
They likened me to a doll and always said they’d be back,
But they couldn’t see I was starting to crack.
How much longer until we break?
The wall’s been built way too high.
The cage is locked, I cannot fly.
I’m sorry love, I want to change,
But my heart is hurt, my mind’s deranged.
I’ve cried a few too many times.
I’ve forgiven you of many crimes.
I do not want to push you out,
But between us two I’m more devout.
I love you so I cannot say
What is hurting day by day.
I build these walls although I care,
I’m scared one day you won’t be there.
Laying in the car listening to the rain.
Holding you, wondering how I could ever not feel this love.
I hold on tighter, never wanting to let go.
I dream of places I’d rather be,
Somewhere new, with your arms around me.
My feet are planted on the ground.
My head is up in the sky.
My eyes are locked on the world.
My heart is begging to fly.
Dreaming of lands new and unknown.
Places I could someday call home.
I said I looked pretty
With my hair and makeup done,
When I had a pretty dress,
And wore heels to make me tall.
You looked me in the eye,
And told me,
“That’s how you look every day”
The dramatization of my life is not yours to judge.
The pain,
The love,
The fear,
The hope
Is mine to feel.
Mine alone.
©2018
